Lorena's Story

“No communication with my son through the pandemic”

As of 30th April 2020, it has been 45 days since Lorena last communicated with her son. Harry*, is preverbal (meaning he doesn’t communicate through spoken language) and currently lives in a residential care home. Lockdown and coronavirus shielding guidelines mean that Lorena is unable to visit him.

Harry, who turns 20 in July, has complex health needs. These include learning disabilities, autism and physical conditions, such as a chronic lung disease for which he requires oxygen. This means isolating is essential to protect him from the virus.

Lorena explains,“his understanding is “here and now” there is no “then” or “there.” This takes away the ability to use video calling to communicate during this time when I cannot visit.”

Not being able to see each other or talk on the phone is extremely distressing for Lorena. The last time they were together was mother’s day. 

“We had a lovely afternoon. Naturally there was a lot of anxiety as people spoke of coronavirus and what it would mean for our lives. The day after, the government implemented the restrictions. At first I was in denial, I didn’t envisage that I wouldn’t still see my boy. As that first day passed it dawned on me.”

“Most days I just get through. But there are moments in those days when I allow myself to think too much. The biggest pain I feel is when I think of how my son feels. What is he doing? What is he thinking? Does he think I have abandoned him? 

I am told he asks for me … mumumumum - That one and only word reserved for me. His support workers distract him. How does he feel about that even? Does that make him feel his request is not valid? Does he blame them? Does he think I don’t love him? I pin my hopes on his here and now persona being his saving grace.”

Every day Harry’s carers update Lorena on how he is doing, emailing photos and letting her know what he has done that day. The updates are keeping her going but she explains that as well as bringing a moment of happiness, they also leave her missing him terribly. “He is the most amazing human being on this planet. Of course, I am biased. I am his mum. He is my world. I love him with every breath in my body, as a mum should.” 

It is a heartbreaking breaking situation, but Lorena has found some solace in writing and recently started a blog. “I write to make sense of the world, or more specifically my little world.” Lorena feels that writing has helped her to cope with some of the difficult feelings she is experiencing.

Working at Carers First, Lorena brings an invaluable perspective, and her direct insight helps the charity in its work supporting carers like herself. “I am lucky enough to be able to keep working and helping people through my work during this uncertain time. It is one of the things that is keeping me going.”

 *Name has been changed for the purpose of this article.